I surrounded myself with doctors and deep thinkers but big heads and soft bodies make for lousy lovers

Road blog, Calgary - Day 1:

Well I'm back on the road, this time out of the country, and things are ridiculous as usual.

I travel often, and I know that I often complain about the stupid things people do in airports, etc that drive me slowly insane - but yesterday has to top the "irritating person on an airplane" list.

I was flying coach (almost back to Gold Status....so close) and seated all the way in the back of the plane on the aisle, the window seat was taken by a quiet guy and the seat between us was empty until the boarding door closed - and the woman that sat in that seat never, EVER stopped talking from the time she sat down until long past arriving at Calgary and everyone in the immediate vicinity got as far from her as possible.

It started nice enough, she asked us if we lived in Calgary or were visiting, and for what

Then she launched into .... everything.

Turns out she was an "essential oil" and "natural remedy" person that was in Minneapolis for some conference, so everything came back to some insane claim and crazy pseudo-science she had stored up about berries and oils and hormones.

She saw that I was drinking coffee and quickly proceeded to ask how much coffee I drink and then tell me how it increases stress and "the Death Hormone" in your body, which speeds up aging...and on and on and ON AND ON.

When I started reading she not only read over my shoulder, she read over my shoulder ALOUD and asked questions and just kept right on talking. When I put my headphones on she kept talking long after I stopped responding and then just shifted to the poor guy in the window seat who apparently didn't have headphones - and kept right on going. When I got my soda (a good hour into the flight of non-stop prattle) I took my headphones off in time to catch her telling this guy (who worked in medicine) that in areas in China where a certain berry grows "you can find 140 year old people all over the place, it's really common" - nevermind that the oldest person on Earth is under 115.

Then she picked up my Coke before I could open it and proceeded to list off ingredients that all have various and crazy side effects on "your center" and how she has a friend that can tell if drinks have some of those ingredients "just by feel"

at this point I was literally responding to everything she said with "I don't care"

Over and over, and she just kept right on going - she was like the Juggernaut. Only she was trying to destroy me from the inside with crazy pyramid-scheme science and a ridiculous Northern Territory Canadian accent.

I got off the plane feeling like someone had spent the entire ride hitting me in the face with utility-grade meat (thank you FilmDrunk) or drilling into my teeth.

After that, everything has been calm and normal.

Canada is very nice.