and if you're testing God right to his face you're gonna catch hell

Tuesday blog - 

So the saga with the teenager continues, and what a long, stupid saga it is.

In case you're just tuning in the boy is being a teenager boy, he got into some trouble with his drug use and now is subject to periodic UA's to keep his driving privileges, which he went without for quite a while as we watched his THC levels go down on paper.  He got his keys back and is now driving and getting re-checked to make sure he doesn't slide.  I think that about sums it up for this story...

So yesterday I'm sitting at my desk getting ready to head home for the day and I get a call from the Lab where Anthony was sent for his weekly oppression.  

"Mr. Roy?"

"Yes"

"Anthony was just here...to drop off a urine sample"

"That's not normal"  - obviously "dropping off" urine instead of giving a sample there raises some flags.

"Right.....it's WATER."

at this point I just started laughing.

"Yeah.....it's actually ice cold, straight out of the tap, water.  So we're not going to bother processing it and thought you should know"  and that was that.

Yes, obviously the boy trying to circumvent the testing isn't what we want but it isn't exactly unexpected either but he's so laughably BAD at getting away with things like that it's hard not to just chuckle at him. Combine that with the fact that his dad is actually a pretty sharp fellow that used to actually get away with quite a bit and it gets even more absurd.  You almost feel bad for the kid being so comically unable to pull off his schemes.  Poor guy.

Of course, being a teenager, he denied everything and will continue to deny everything even if someone produces a lab analysis saying his urine is alarmingly high in flouride and lead and video showing him pouring tap water into a sample cup and then smiling for the camera.  Rest assured we will get to the bottom of what motivated this busy and unbiased medical professional to take time out of her day to call me up and lie about my son, who has been nothing but unflinchingly honest these days.  I don't know why she hates him but that's the only explanation I can think of for this.

oh, or he was getting high this weekend. 

I'll find out what that nurse's problem is.

Combine that with the worried email I got from my mother this morning (he's staying there for the summer - another part of the story that has some bearing) about his recent changes in behavior.  

Apparently he attended a punk show at the high school and decided to shave his hair into a mohawk (dad's note - FINALLY!).  Either that or he's competing with George's oldest boy, who just got his first mohawk as well at age 6 (?) and has already been insulted by an adult in public for it (tell her she's part of an ignorant segment of society is shrinking because it is getting old and dying - tell Charlie to get used to taking shit for now and enjoy watching them shrink in horror at being sent to nursing homes staffed by kids with mohawks and tattoos. - just my advice for the day)  Where the hell was I....?

Right.  

He apparently shaved the rest of his hair off and my mother found a baseball bat and a copy of Mein Kampf in his truck.  No shit.  His stupidity apparently knows no bounds or he's determined to head straight for whatever behavior is completely unacceptable no matter how accepting people are to his normal stupidity.

My gut feeling is that he:

A) cut the rest of his hair off to try and outwit the drug tests at any jobs he's applying for, many of which do the hair testing

B) took some shit for having a mohawk and decided being bald was a little easier to blend in with no matter how shocking he thinks he wants to be.

C) he's growing into this whole 'bad kid' persona he's found himself in, failing a couple classes, being forced to take UA's and living outside of the home.  He probably is the "bad kid" where he goes to school and he's filling the part.  He just happens to be doing it wrong.

at no point do I actually believe that my son is an ignorant, racist moron.

An ignorant, privileged white kid hanging out in an affluent suburb that has no concept of the consequences of stepping over the line between 'bad kid character' and 'racist skinhead character' in the real world?

Yes.  I think that is exactly it.  I think he's found a persona that gets a reaction out of people and he's running with it and has no idea what will happen when he runs too far with it and either gets labeled as a racist for a very long time or steps out of his little bubble of rich white kids that laugh about shit like that and right into somebody that will reacquaint him the idea of consequences.

I told my mother (who was also worried about a number of other things, including the lyrics of the music he's listening to....namely The Misfits, which he got from me) he's trying to fill up his bad-ass punk rock role and just doing it poorly because he's dumb.  I'm also sending a good Skinhead friend over to have more than a few words with him tonight.  Don't let the flippant nature of the blog fool you - this isn't going on without something being done.  

Oh no it is not.

Oh yeah - Five Man Job performs at the Six Ring Circus tonight as well.

I've been extremely lax about talking that up but as you can see, there's been a lot going on.

I'm hoping to have a fun set with FMJ, which is our last set before the TCIF (making this the second-to-last set with Dan) and just be silly and have a good fun time on stage.  Or at least I was.

Now I'm just hoping not to inflict an inordinate amount of darkness on some poor, unsuspecting audience.  Either way it should be entertaining for the informed reader to watch so come check it out.