finally home from the road blog - at home for the day
the show yesterday was short, almost too short for the amount of footwork and stress that went into it, it was a dense morning of technical problems, asshole doctors (rather doctors that are assholes, not doctors that fix assholes. if only they had asshole doctors to fix the doctors that are assholes) and then packing it all into the semi and putting it all behind us.
After that we had way too much time on our hands in the City of Sin so we hit the monorail to MGM, grabbed some food at the Diablo's Cantina (which is apparently staffed entirely by Suicide Girls - making it the best place to go), walked through the Bellagio and over to the Seahorse Bar at Ceasars Palace. After that the guys that were staying overnight decided to hit Freemont Street while I had to head back to the hotel, pack and head to the airport to try and grab a standby seat on an earlier flight than the red-eye I was booked on. No luck, which means I was in the airport with another 6 hours to kill.
Crashed on the floor, slept poorly there for a couple hours
Woke up when they called for boarding, slept horribly on the plane
Landed at 5:30am, got home as quick as I could and slept horribly for a few minutes before the boys woke up and the day started. Glad to put my head down on my own pillow for a few and I thought all I wanted was a little quiet time at home before getting right back into the daily insanity.
I was not the only one that slept far from home last night - if you read my Awesome Wife's Awesome Blog of Wifery and Awesomeness you're aware that the boy is not staying with us for a little while in order to keep us all from falling apart. I'm not happy about it but I'm not happy with the way things are regardless so maybe this will be the best.
I have mixed gut feelings about the whole thing, having grown up with the guys I did, almost all of them got kicked out of their homes by their parents (not to say they didn't do some shit that would have warranted being kicked out - some did and some did not) and seeing how that usually played out. The difference is that those parents wanted to be done with their kids and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that a little time, a little peace and quite and a little distance helps my boy come home and get himself together. But it isn't going to happen today.
I don't like telling him that home isn't the place for him, especially when I see his problems and many of them he brings on himself (some come from me, let's be fair) so i have to imagine he brings them wherever he goes but being here isn't helping him either so we'll try something as opposed to stubbornly insisting that fighting over everything is somehow helpful.
it's frustrating that his biggest need is to know that we're always there to help him and yet the worst thing we can do is try and help him out. It's not a good situation and there's an empty room at the end of the hall that makes me feel like I should somehow figure out what to do next to fix it. That's what fathers do, right?
not today. Today we all need to try something else.
Knowing he was coming home always made everyone tense because more than likely there's going to be teenage silent-treatment or a completely irrational fight or watching everything he did with suspicion and some disappointment when he'd been using . but at least there was the chance that things would be something else instead, there was the off-chance that we'd have a decent conversation about some punk rock or something harmless, a little break from the teenager/parent conflict that has become the best-case scenario lately.
not today. There's no chance that's happening today and as much as it's a relief that the terrible exchanges aren't going to happen it's equally sad that the good stuff isn't going to happen either.
This is all there is today.
now the quiet time at home seems like it is the insanity
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