After the big blog of full disclosure about the Prozac I figured an update on the Adderol would be good for me as well - these things are so much less for you, reader, and more to see how these thoughts hold up outside my brain. Enjoy.
I posted quite a long time ago about going on Adderol, which came with many of the same issues as starting Prozac in terms of altering my brain chemistry, but having seen the difference these useful chemicals make I'm very happy with the results. It's funny how quickly it becomes the new normal, having some focus and getting tasks done from beginning to end - as well as all the peripheral effects, like sleep, that come with it.
To revisit one point - I am not a fan of how often or loosely this stuff gets doled out to kids or anyone else but even that kind of hard sell it was tough not to admit that I was/am pretty fucking scattered even on a good day. The fact that I got things done or didn't drive my wife insane up until this point is a little bit baffling. I used to adopt all sorts of weird tactics to work around the strange whirlwind that my brain can be some days - like working art into my day since when I'm drawing or sketching I can actually devote part of my brain to the activity and focus part on other things much better and things are much clearer - I know that's actually something they say about Asperger's kids with music and such and I know exactly what they mean. That's a separate issue about my brain I have often considered....BUT, staying on task here... (META!)... not having to do those things and just being able to concentrate without thoughts slipping away from me has been wonderful.
Taking regular doses of amphetamines isn't without some precautions for someone like me - I have to be careful not to let my already headstrong moments get away from me when they're backed with some pharmaceutical rocket fuel - and I am still working in times to calm down and not "do" things by making them part of my routine at HUGE. Things like shoveling the sidewalk or just mopping the theater are my time to calm down, think clearly or not think at all and just enjoy the quiet time in my skull.
Conversely, any time I'm behind the wheel my brain is a storm of ideas and things to remember and I will more often than not arrive at my destination with a collection of new notes scrawled on my hand that get added to the big to-do pile.
All of this sounds a bit much when I read it all in one place but the short version is that this has been good. You don't need to understand the workings of my brain to get that part.
Where I used to be frantic because I was spending tons of mental energy to hold onto things that required time and attention, getting frustrated and overreacting to simple things like "people speaking to me" or "my phone ringing" because it broke that already-slippery hold on ideas, and much less able to rest because my mind was running laps around every idea from the day when I was trying to sleep.
Now I start out with a direction (or several, old habits still die hard) and I'm able to turn my attention and energy to them in a way that produces results - and at the end of the day I'm actually resting (...well, my version of rest) since I'm doing the things I set out to and the act of focusing over the course of an entire day actually leaves me sleepy and ready to turn in some nights.
I imagine that's what days and evenings are like for more normal people.
It's kinda nice.
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