Fun facts learned on show yesterday:
Meth is excreted at anywhere between 50-100 pure in the urine as it doesn't bind with anything in the body, so meth cookers have been found storing jugs of meth-users' urine and recooking it to reclaim the drug and sell it again. Meth users have also been found gulping their own (or others') urine! Even the meth industry is going Green!
While the doctors here showed disgust at this they were also appalled at the fact that meth production creates about 5 lbs of toxic waste (in the fullest sense of the term, some of the stuff should be in cement casks along with the people that make it) per 1 lb of meth cooked.
Pick a side! Let them boil and drink their own urine!!
"Torrential Bleeding" is quantified as blood loss of more than 600cc per minute. Per minute. Holy crap. A more fitting name does not exist.
Apparently some hospitals have protocols in place when that happens that sets in motion a bunch of highway patrol cruisers (the same ones that would run organs for transplant) from blood bank to hospital at high speed to deal with it.
I agree, an underground blood pipeline would be better but then we'd have to deal with the vampires.
The gender transition surgery to go from male-to-female has a very clinical name and is referred to that way in all the lectures, whereas the female-to-male procedue is called "the Centurion Procedure" even in medical talks, which sounds like you're adding a cruise missile launcher instead of a penis. Make jokes about the lack of difference between the two....now.
All of these presentations also came with photos, very very gruesome photos that often appeared without warning (the torrential bleeding guy had a nice picture of a sunset, then a beautiful sunrise....then a closeup of a freshly removed uterus in an operating room drenched in blood. Asshole) on everything from a terrible condition called 'micropenis' to cancers of the penis in advanced stages and all sorts of other dreadful things I didn't ever need to see.
Big thanks to everyone that wasted their work days helping me waste my work day so I could keep my head down and focus on my Blackberry instead of letting even more fun facts in through my already damaged eyeballs. Mostly what I learned was that I never wanted to learn most of this stuff.
I did get invited to lunch with the doctors, as opposed to eating at the tech table like I'm supposed to, to talk about data gathering for a national medical study. Sitting amidst that much education, brainpower and generally people that do really important work I feel like I'm pretending to be a grown up professional and I'm going to be found out for a guy that makes stuff up for fun. So far my cover is holding
Todays topics include: cervical ripening, tropical diseases and pregnancy and morbid obesity and complications. Just imagine what I can learn today!
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Punch out is tonight - I can't wait
I'm stuck here all day so I've done all the hustling I can, if you can help us get the show off the ground please do so.
Fridays at 11pm. $10
Total Bullshit appears at the Monday Night Comedy show this coming Monday! Come see, you won't believe what you can learn!
8 pm. $3
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1 comment:
Butch, I hope you don't mind if I cut and paste your paragraph about meth. I already figured if you were stupid enough to do a drug that someone with a sixth grade education made in their bathtub you had issues, but this takes it to an even more unbelievable level.
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